Thursday, May 30, 2013


As I'm told, her hand came flying out first, followed by her head. The doctor said she came out reaching for the credit card. She had the cord wrapped around her neck. The doctor swiftly untangled her, and then her body came out. They put her up on my lap while the NICU nurse checked her out. There she was, my perfect little slime ball. Even though she was average weight for a newborn, I couldn't believe something that big was living inside of me. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were wide open. Even though the room was packed with people, and there was a lot going on, she was only looking at me. She had big beautiful dark eyes that just pierced me as she stared. I was in love. All I could say was "Oh my goodness" over and over. I kept thinking "That was so worth it". For the short minute that she laid on me, it seemed like there wasn't another person in the world except the 2 of us. She was all that mattered in that minute. That is, until they said she had aspirated meconium (her poop), wasn't breathing well, and not pinking up. They swiftly took her away to the warming bed to work on her. But I wasn't done with her yet! Aaron was still standing next to me, he glanced at me, not knowing what to do. He wanted to be there with me, but needed to be with her. I told him to go watch our little girl, and take some pictures for me. 
I couldn't see a thing, and laid there helpless while they worked on us both. They finished up with me, and the doctor left. He gets paid a lot for only being there for 10 minutes of the big show. After they finished checking Lucy, and got her all hooked up with oxygen they brought her bed over for me to say bye to. All I could do was put my finger in her hand and let her hold it. She had a strong grip, and I knew she would be okay. Still, it's not easy to watch your baby get wheeled out of the room only minutes after delivery. The room that only moments before was jammed pack with people, was now very empty. It suddenly seemed like such a big room. There was only one nurse left. I knew I had to keep myself occupied or I would worry too much. I called my dad, who got a little too excited and had tried to call the hospital right as I was delivering wanting to talk to me. I tried to tell him what was going on, but his hearing aid wasn't working so he couldn't hear me. I ended up just texting him. I texted the rest of the family. The nurse brought me some crackers and juice. I quickly ate it. I was starving! I tried to find things to occupy myself as I lay there helpless, waiting for news.
 Eventually Aaron came back and showed me pictures, and said they think she has pneumonia and took her for an x-ray. She was starting to pink up, and looked a little better. He got me some more crackers, then I sent him back to the NICU to be with her. I made some more phone calls, and sent some more texts. After a bit, the nurse helped me into a wheel chair, and took me to the NICU. She was sleeping, she had so many tubes, all I could do was put a hand on her. She had one tube pumping air in, one pumping it back out, so she wouldn't get gas, she had an IV in her hand, 3 cords checking vitals, and another cord checking blood oxygen. I just wanted to put her back in my belly where I could protect her, keep her safe, and give her what she needs. I wanted to make it better for her. The nurse said the x-ray of her lungs looked bad, but the doctor wouldn't be in till later to talk to us. We had to go back up to labor and delivery to get all our stuff moved into the mother baby unit and get settled in. 
I couldn't go back to the NICU till I was assisted to the bathroom 2 times. After that, I was able to walk on my own. Until then I had to lay in bed helpless again as Aaron went back and forth telling me how she was doing. My dad and Aaron's parents got to the hospital about the same time that night around 5 or 6. I was able to walk on my own by this point. We got to the NICU when the doctor was there. He told us she probably had pneumonia, but it's hard to tell with a newborn what is wrong. She had a pretty bad infection though, and that was for sure. We had 3 options to choose from for what we should do at this point. We could have her intubated, that way she could just focus on fighting the infection for now, and not worry about trying to breathe on her own yet. We could give her some medicine that would make her lungs not stick together when she tries to breathe, this may or may not help her. Or we could do nothing and just wait to see how things go. I didn't feel adequate to make a decision like this. I wanted the doctor to just tell us what we should do, that's what he went to school for, right? We asked him what he would do if it was his baby, and he recommended just waiting to see how things go. We had a good feeling that that was the right choice for us. 
After the doctor stepped out, Aaron and our dads gave Lucy a sweet blessing of healing. I didn't think her first blessing would be at the hospital. We left to make sure she got some good rest, and try to do the same ourselves. As we walked out, the doctor was in the hall, he said that giving her a blessing was the best thing we could have done for her, better than any medicine he could have prescribed. I like her doctor. We went back to the Mother baby unit to try and get some sleep. One day and I only got to see my baby for a handful of minutes. I clung to the memory of those minutes until I could see her again. I couldn't wait to see what tomorrow would bring. 

1 comment:

Chelise said...

what a story! I haven't checked this in awhile and so glad I did. its amazing how things work out and we are so glad you and her and doing well.